My Journey

I've been on track for exactly a month today. So far I'm down 11.1lbs! 11lbs might not seem like much to some, but just to carry a 10lb weight around the house is tiring enough. Glad that's off of me and MANY MORE to GO!

Things are different this time, I have a totally different mind set as I did before. For one, I know if I mess up, I don't stop. I take it as it is and MOVE ON! They say for some animals that once they taste blood, that's all they want. That would be me when I eat fast food, I want more and more. You can't really blame a person for having that addiction with the high content of sugar, fat & salt. Every once in awhile fast food will sound good, I am stronger though. =)

It's poison and that's how I must view it, would you bring poison into the house and ingest it? Fast food is poison to the body. It's helped me gain all this weight, it doesn't care. Why should I care enough to buy and eat it? 

My biggest fall lately has been exercise, I hate it. Well, I hate the beginning of it... Usually the first 15mins I HATE it, then start feeling GREAT! At the end of it all, I love how I feel. I'm more of an outside workout person. I hate being in a gym or in the house, I want to be FREE. Plus if I do the same thing over and over again, just looking at a wall or a TV, I will get bored. My mind is always all over the place and it's hard to stay focused on one thing for very long. I would rather go for a run in the park or a local track. I just love being outside and for me, whatever works and helps get this mess off me is great. 

In the past I felt I must know everything right then and there. I need to know all the exercises that need to be done.. I need to know what foods I need to eat, etc. The worse thing for me to do some times is get on youtube and look at weight loss/exercise vlogs. If I'm looking at a person who has lost 200lbs already, they are doing something different during a workout than myself. They are at a different mindset than myself. The person I am now is not the same person I was a month ago and it didn't happen over night. So, skipping forward and looking at someone who has already lost their desired weight vs. me at this moment, not a good idea.

Also the people who say to do this and that, etc.. You need to be burning this many calories during a workout! You need to be working out for 3 hours a day(just an example) and drinking 50 protein shakes! That may be great for them, but this is me. It's proven that 30mins of steady activity a day is great for the body. Working out for 1 hour a day is even better and shows signs of reversed health effects over time. 

It all boils down to comparing myself to others. So, I've thrown out the.. I need to do this... I need to do that's. I am me and this is my journey. 

Today I push mowed the front and backyard. We don't have a huge yard, but it's a lot to push mow. I'm weird and like to do stuff like that, taking care of the yard is some thing I take pride in. I just love being outside, doesn't really matter what I'm doing. We're not designed to stay inside a house all the time anyways. ;)

My goals coming up will be to workout more. I'm setting an hour, 3 days a week. Go me!

I'll try to remember to blog more about my progress, I would like to start my weight loss vlog again as well. 

Until next time!

BE THE CHANGE!!!

A Negative Mind Can't Live

Just realized that I haven't posted since October, a lot has changed since then.

For one, you guessed it!! I haven't been on track at all, I tried, but gave in to my food addiction. Like any addict, it's some thing I am not proud of, so I will stay closed up.

I haven't been happy with myself at all. I've cried poor pitiful me and still ate food that was bad for me. No one to blame but myself.

It's crazy, I get to the point that I don't have the will to even start eating right again. If I don't want to do some thing, I will simply not do it.

Even a trip to the Dr. with a few health issues did not even wake me up. We spoke about my weight, most Dr's just see you and collect your money, he let me know what's going to happen. I'm basically killing myself and I'm not one to tear up in front of people I don't know, but I did that day. We spoke about lap band and I was thinking, has it come to this? I think the lap band is great, but I'm just being lazy here. I have done this and even lost weight before, I just end up giving in again. I'm perfectly able to eat right and exercise.

It's embarrassing to go out, usually figure out a way that I don't have to go. Imagine people seeing this and judging me. This is not an addiction that no one knows about, I wear this every place I go. People are mean and it seems to be getting worse. Instead of getting to know a person, they just make a snap judgment and disregard the person.

It all got to the point of me wanting to kill myself because this all is so embarrassing. These are feelings I haven't had since I was a teen, to be honest, if I had a gun I probably would have. All the negative thoughts enter my mind... I'll never be able to lose all this weight, it can't be done. Everything hurts and I'm just tired of everything, would be easier to just end it all.

The person I am, I have to make myself be positive. After awhile of doing so, it's easier.. My nature seems to be of the negative. It's easier for me to assume the worse, than think it will all be okay. It was easier to be positive when I was younger, but knowing what I do now of people.. I just assume the worse. That's no way to think.

In my previous post I wrote about Fat Sick & Nearly Dead. Well, they have a second edition in which I watched last Wednesday. After watching it, I realized a few things. This can be done! Look at all the people who were 600lbs and now able to do marathons! They even did an update on the truck driver, who seemed to have gained almost all his weight back. If that were me, I would have declined for the update. This chick would be so embarrassed to even peak my head out the door. He still spoke about what happened and caused him to put the weight back on. Also showed him rebooting and getting back on track. That really touched me – you go dude! I love honest people!

It's mind over matter. MIND OVER MATTER! When your mind is aligned, other things seem to fall into place. When you eat foods that fuel you, it helps your mind function better and you think more positive things. I've been back on track for a week now, down 6.4lbs.

I am so tired of feeling like crap and having my mood be determined if I have something good to eat in the house or if I can go buy fast food. It's all a lifestyle change and mine hasn't been the best. The mind must be trained to make the right decisions, without that, I will go back to the same ole again.

So, I've decided this chick is going to live life fat and then skinny. It's not about a number on the scale, but my health. It's about how I feel when I'm eating right and treating my body well.

Life is to be experienced. People complain about not having enough money to buy this or go do that. Going for a walk in the park does not cost anything and it clears the mind. Going for a hike, these are things that you experience and can not be bought. To eat right and then watch the scales go down, to hit a goal. You can not buy that.

I alone did this and I will fix this. Like I told my Dr., I feel as though I'm dead already. Just walking around and waiting until it actually happens. You can not experience life while you are asleep or sitting on the couch. Watching your favorite show on tv or a movie is not living, it's just something that's here at this point in time.

May I add?

Don't give 2 craps about what others think of you. If they speak negatively about you it's on them and it will only hurt them in the end. We can not change the world by being scared of it. Grab the world by the horns no matter where you are in life right now. Refuse to think of yourself in a negative way – change the switch to positive and never look back.

Until next time! =)

Life Is Not Layaway

 I love documentaries. I especially love Netflix, because they have a wide variety of them. You can get your fix from any subject.. Weight loss, nature, addiction, criminal, sports etc.

Earlier this week I was home sick with a stomach virus, what else shall a girl do between bathroom runs? I turn on Netflix and see what I can watch to take my mind off things for a bit.

Of course I go straight to the documentary section and see what I can find. First one I find that seems decent would be - Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead. I've heard of this one before, the title alone will make you look twice.

The documentary follows Joe Cross as he attempts a 60 day fast. He is not allowed to consume food, only juice. Therefore he goes on a path of juicing. It follows him on this fasting journey and how he grows from it and tells others, he calls it a “reboot”.

Along the way he meets a truck driver who has the same health issue as himself(autoimmune disease). Joe makes the truck driver a juice and told him to contact him basically if he ever needs anything. A few weeks later, the truck driver contacts him. Joe jumps on a plane and starts to help the driver out, then the story follows him. It was amazing to see the transformation of both.

After that I watched Forks Over Knives, Hungry For A Change, Vegucated and Food, inc. All speak about how the food we consume each day and how it's changed over the years. For example, a chicken now a days is a million times bigger than a chicken in the 70's. How chicken houses are made now and what they have to feed the chickens, how they live, how they kill them. Some may think, it's a chicken, they are born to feed us.. Well, we don't think the same about dogs, yet they eat them in some countries. What the animal eats, you end up eating yourself. If it's pumped with hormones, you will be as well. We say this and keep on eating it.

To see how animals are kept in small areas, standing in feces of their own and many others. In the case of chickens, they are so big they can not even walk. They just lay on the ground, gasping for air, waiting to die. When they come to pick the chickens up, they throw them in small cages. They grab them by the neck and toss them around, break legs, whatever it takes – they do not care.

In the case of cows, most are confined to small areas of land, no grass. They are fed corn and stand in feces 24/7. Males are castrated because it helps the meat, they are not put under for the process, they just start cutting or tie a rubber band around them until they fall off.

Since they are fed corn and not normal food meant for cows, also since they are standing in feces of others, it causes great concern for E. Coli. No problem! Once they are tortured upon death and they grind up all parts for meat, they use ammonia to get rid of it. MMMMMM! I don't know about you, but I just LOVE ammonia for supper! … said no one ever.

This is all done because of the high demand of meat now a days. They do not care if it's quality meat, they just need to get it out to make the money. It's all about the mighty dollar, really.

Have you ever wondered where your food comes from? Unless you raised it from birth, do you really know what happened in the process?

This is why America is so sick! We basically eat crap each day, either it's being bought at fast food restaurants or at supermarkets. They don't care if it makes you sick, gives you heart disease or cancer, so what. Healthy people just makes no sense at all, fewer trips to the dr., how does that help?! Studies have shown that you can get all the nutrients from veggies and fruits. Most people love to eat meat because of the protein, you can receive that from veggies and fruit.

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”

-Hippocrates

Did you know the body is designed to heal itself? If it's fed the right things, it can. What is it going to hurt? You are putting wonderful things into your body each day, can't go wrong.

For a good part of my life, I've spent it putting horrible things in my body. I would eat fast food daily, which is not filled with anything good for the body. If it was not fast food, it was heavily greased and fried or had so much butter in it, although Paula Dean would be proud, I am not. Not only food...soft drinks. Coke has always been amazing to me, does coke care? No, it just demands to be bought! It's pumped with so much sugar that I would keep coming back for more. Diet soft drinks are not any better.

My weight loss journey is about losing weight – Yes. I, not only want to lose weight, I just want to be healthy. I'm going to focus on putting healthy things in my body and when the weight falls off, I will of course be happy about it. What good is it to lose weight if we are not healthy? No pill will ever make you healthy, no shake. It may have a little of what you need to “get by”, but it will never be a lifestyle, it's a quick fix.

I've decided to become a pescatarian, which is basically a vegetarian that eats fish. It's not like I'm going to run out and eat tons of seafood, I just like having the option if need be. I've mostly been juicing and making veggie wraps at this point. I'm excited about diving in and finding more recipes and growing from this.

This life is short, we are born to die. Every thing in between is up to us, will we make the best of it? Sitting on a couch, slurping on a milkshake – it's not the best way to enjoy this life. I feel more free and I love life. Over a month ago, I hated myself. I hated that I would eat fast food every day, that I loved all the wrong things. Basically, I was just waiting to die with all the crap I was putting in my body.

With eating the right things and exercise, I feel I'm adding days to my life. Even if for some reason I die a week from now, I know that I lived life the healthiest way I could possibly. Life is a gift, yet we act like we can put it on layaway and save it for later. No, it's here for a short time and then gone. Make the best of this life, LIVE.

Until next time! =)

Life

I've been successfully on track for a month now, total loss of 11.8lbs! I'm really proud that I've been on track and haven't cut corners like I have for a long time now.

Each time that I start thinking of eating bad food, I remember the way it made me feel. Out of breath all the time, feeling weighed down, hating myself. A million more things come to mind, but I don't have enough room to type it all. =)

All my life, it's been about food. Whatever occasion that might be going on, I wonder what I'm going to eat. A night on the town - what restaurant will we go too? Family event with my favorite food, SCORE! My life has always been centered around food, bad food.

It's time to take a step back, think of other reasons to enjoy my time. Last weekend I went to my moms, I enjoyed conversations and time, not the food we ate(although the food was great). When I come home from work, I think about my evening and how I'm going to spend it, not about what all food I can consume.

Last night I sat by the fire pit and enjoyed looking at the stars. Sure, I had one s'more, only one. Normally I would be thinking of the s'more all day and wonder what else I could eat with it. I looked forward to just sitting and enjoying this autumn weather. Life is so much more than food.

Food is fuel for the body, some where along the way I must have forgotten. If you put the wrong gas in your car, it will not run correctly and ruin your car. Same thing with us!

Today I spent 4 hours cleaning the house(it really needed it). I believe the last spring cleaning was... never... Who says you can't have a fall cleaning?! I'm not known for blending in anyways. ;)

It's amazing, this new outlook on life. I feel as though I finally get it and I will not ever turn back. I must not cut corners like before, I must always remember where I was before I started.

One thing that always brings me down is focusing on how much more I need to go. This time around, I can't think of such things. I must focus on what I've accomplished. To remember how I felt a few weeks ago vs today, it's amazing. A few weeks ago, I hated life and myself and I swear I was sitting on the couch, waiting to die.

Now I'm out living life and I have great plans, thinking of the future - I feel like myself again. We only have one life and we never know when our last minute will be. It makes sense to grab every second and use it for good. We have enough negative in this life, the real chore comes from being positive.

We must be the change we wish to see in the world. I was taking for granted living life and enjoying the simple things. It all was clouded by what meal I could eat next, then the next meal. How much fast food I could order and eat til I could not simply eat another bite. I would eat until I couldn't move and barely breathe.

Life is amazing and we must wake up and live it. I'm glad I am and it's amazing!

Until next time!

I'm Back

It's been several months since my last blog post, I ended up just deleting my previous posts. Mostly because I'm not the same person and I want to start fresh. Hopefully I will be posting weigh in videos again, I seem to stay more on track when doing so.  

I've been fully on track since yesterday, working on day two. Just taking one day at a time and one exercise at a time. As what always happens, I start to think of how long it's going to take and say forget it. 

When I let myself drift off last time, I gave into fast food again. Working 8-5 each day, it's hard to come home and cook. I've found that, if I will eat a meal or have a filling snack every 3 hours, I will not be so hungry when I get off work. When I get off work and feel like I'm starving, I want food at that very moment. Therefore, I give in and go pick up fast food. 

Fast food is killing me, plus the lack of exercise. I told myself last time that I started this journey because if I did not, I would gain until the point I could no longer move and die within 10 years. Right now I'm 347.1lbs, which is horrid. I have NEVER been at this weight in my life and the time is now to start this journey. I must not be haunted by my past and how I've done, that has to be erased and I'm starting fresh. 

Speaking of starting fresh, I wanted to post a recipe that I made for lunch. My goal is to try some thing new every so many weeks, so I will not burn out on the same thing. 

I made this Chicken and Black Bean burrito for lunch, it was GREAT! The only thing I did different was add a tablespoon of lite ranch when mixing it all together. I also added a 1/2 cup of brown rice as well. 

• Ingredients

• 1/4 cup water
• 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice 
• 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/8 teaspoon ground red pepper
• 2 cups shredded rotisserie chicken breast
• 1/4 cup thinly sliced green onions 
• 3/4 cup canned black beans, rinsed and drained
• 1/2 cup refrigerated fresh salsa
• 4 (8-inch) flour tortillas
• 1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
• Cooking spray 

Preparation

1. 1. Bring first 6 ingredients to a boil in a small saucepan. Stir in shredded chicken and green onions.
2. 2. Combine beans and salsa. Spoon 1/4 cup bean mixture and 1/2 cup chicken mixture down center of each tortilla; sprinkle with 2 tablespoons cheese. Roll up.
3. 3. Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add 2 burritos. Place a cast-iron or other heavy skillet on top of burritos, and cook for 3 minutes on each side. Remove from pan, and repeat procedure with the remaining 2 burritos.

Nutritional Information

Amount per serving

• Calories: 353
• Fat: 9.8g
• Saturated fat: 4.1g
• Monounsaturated fat: 3.6g
• Polyunsaturated fat: 1.3g
• Protein: 30.9g
• Carbohydrate: 33.1g
• Fiber: 2.4g
• Cholesterol: 72mg
• Iron: 1.6mg
• Sodium: 595mg
• Calcium: 137mg

Until next time!